One of the most difficult aspects of divorce is that people are called upon to make decisions that will govern the rest of their lives while experiencing severe emotional trauma.

As family lawyers it is crucial that we recognize and be sensitive to the fact that clients are moving through a series of emotional stages including disbelief, anger, resignation, etc. That impacts how information must be presented to a client. A client must be "heard" by the attorney in order to feel as though they are working as a team. Often, once a client has the chance to vent, it's easier to hear and act on advice.

From the very first meeting we explain to the client that it is important to approach all decisions from a "cost-benefit" perspective. The client, with the help of the attorney, must ask, "How important is this issue to me?" and "How much will it cost me economically and emotionally to get what I want?" It is important to help a client develop reasonable expectations from the beginning. By doing this we help our client through a very difficult period in life.

The emotional elements in the divorce understandably cause clients to feel entitled to certain concessions from their spouses. By working closely with a client we can sometimes help them realize that it's better to be smart than right, and that a concession on something of little real importance may help get a client what he or she wants on the "big issues."

While many people believe that family law consists of dividing pots and pans, in truth, it involves many facets of the legal practice. There are the same valuation issues that exist in a corporate matter; there are claims for compensation for severe physical and emotional injury such as exist in a personal injury matter. At the outset those kinds of claims must be recognized and discussed with the client, along with the costs attendant to asserting them.

One of the most important decisions that lawyers and clients must make together is whether to go to court. If an issue can be settled, the client retains some measure of control. That's important. To creatively settle a case by "thinking out of the box" is a very gratifying experience. If we go to trial, we need to make a presentation that will set our case apart and engage the judge's interest.