How do you start a conversation with your matrimonial lawyer? Well, the truth is a pretty good place to start. Just remember that your truth will likely sound different what's coming from the other side. The other spouse always has his or her story to tell too.

Remember this as well: There are no home runs hit at the courthouse, and matrimonial litigation is not the place to try to get even with your spouse. The result of trying to "get even" will be only the ashes that were once your family's wealth.

Our clients are concerned, even frightened, about the uncertainty they now face. Will I be able to meet my obligations? What will the judge do? How will my children react? It's our task to try to address those uncertainties and fears, and try to alleviate them. This process requires trade-offs, and everyone going through a divorce needs to face up to them.

We take a traditional approach to client representation in our practice. In any negotiation - with the prospect of litigation or not -- it doesn't take long to determine if you can easily reach a workable deal. Sometimes the answer is "no" - for the moment. Litigation is sometimes necessary to turn the discussion into a finite process. That is, it has an end date. In 99 out of 100 cases headed to court, an agreement gets reached. Sometimes the specter of an impending trial has a way of getting things done.

I am very fortunate. My wife and I have two children and I have two children from a prior marriage. With no small amount of effort we have blended fairly well. Everyone talks, everyone is civil, everyone is considerate. Everyone looks forward to being with everyone else. It works because everyone puts aside their "self interests." It's been hard on everyone at times, but the benefits, particularly to the children, are enormous.

I've never seen children suffer harm because they spend an extra day or two with one parent. But I've seen kids greatly damaged because their parents are fighting each other, and putting their own interests ahead of the child's. If we can get that message out, and help encourage that kind of unselfish thinking, we know we are accomplishing something.