You've probably heard it before: Many people entering a divorce case don't have realistic expectations. After all, in that moment it's human nature to say 'I am a good person, my spouse is a bad person.'

Prospective clients will come in for a consultation and I am always forthright with them. Occasionally they'll go away and find another lawyer - someone who will tell them what they want to hear.

I have seen the full spectrum. Some clients are fairly satisfied, from the beginning of the process to the end. Others seek a measure of revenge. What I've found is that the level of satisfaction in the outcome has as much to do with a person's own innate personality as whatever I may do for them.

There were few women in the legal profession when I started. A lot of women in the 80s felt they had to be tough - tougher than the men. I made it a point, early on, to preserve a level of civility. That's served me well.

Most cases do of course settle before we'll even prepare for a trial. Still, I am going to court frequently even if 5% of my cases don't settle. The important thing is that the people who deal with me know I'm perfectly happy to go to try any case.

Yet taking a case to trial carries real risks. The outcome is by no means assured. As I tell my clients, when we walk out that door, my life will go on. Yet even with the most favorable ruling imaginable, your spouse could very well appeal the judge's decision, and you could spend years in future litigation and incur thousands more in legal fees.

I never worked for anyone when I first started to practice law, and coming out of Georgetown Law my peers were heading off to New York and to corporate firms on K Street. I found I had to teach myself the state's civil procedure and rules that weren't taught in law school. It was learn, or else.

For me the reward of my work has always been the intellectual challenge: That is, persuading a judge or a jury in an intellectually honest way.

In my early years I told my clients all the brilliant things I knew. Now I simply listen. The older I get the better listener I am. That's made me a better lawyer - and I love it.